A Breakthrough of a Check Point in Life

Today is a memorable day to me, as I have started my journey as a quadragenarian from now onwards.

At first I thought I would be anxious about it because from all the things I heard and read from everywhere told me that my life will come across a big change both mentally and physically. However, I'm calm with it.

Probably because I haven't really experience the "change" or maybe I don't really see it as a big challenge to me.

Though it's memorable, I didn't do anything special besides having a day with my mom and nephew. A normal hotpot & grill dinner.

My only wish for today, is the health and happiness of my loved ones.

Tomorrow will be another day, and it'll always be a better day.

今天，我正式跨越了四个十年的人生。
踏入另一个里程碑的我，没有焦虑，更多的，是平静和淡然。
当然，我心里还是会叨念着：是不是有些事情我应该今天完成的？
事实上，只要我还健康快乐的生活着，那就是一种幸福。
因为还在带孝期，今天的我，没有派对（一向来也都没有），没有生日蛋糕，没有生日歌，倒是收到了一堆的祝福。
能够跟妈妈好好地逛个街、吃个饭，对我来说，已经是很幸福的事。
祝愿我们永远都能如此健康快乐地幸福下去。
这就是我今年生日唯一的愿望。
加油吧！

A message from myself a decade ago #futureme

It was a surprise to me when I saw this email came into my inbox today. I didn't realize that 10 years ago I had sent an email to myself. And actually at that moment I doubted the website will still be functioning a decade later. :P

Yes, I'm totally amazed, surprised and when I read through the message, it actually brought me in tears. I saw how much life has changed tremendously and if I had a chance to go back in time, the most I feel heartbroken is losing my dad.

If I would to reply to myself in this email....

Hi You in 2007,

Thank you for writing to me.

You have no major achievement now, just that at the same time, there is not much regrets I have except one big incident.

Yes, you had your first travel in flight in Sep 2, 2012, when you flew to Bangkok with your colleague from QA team. It was an amazing trip, you had your first authentic Thai food, to a historical city Ayutthaya, and explored to a lot of new things.

It's when your dream of "travel around the world" starts as the next years later you had your second trip to Alor Setar & Langkawi also by flight, and another year you had your first footstep to Taiwan. In the year 2016 itself, you visited 2 countries: Hong Kong and Taiwan (again!). These 2 were totally unplanned holiday so it went a bit expensive yet enjoyable and worth the price.

Unfortunately, none of your family were with you in any of these trip. And regrettably, your dad will never have a chance to travel with you again.

After a decade, you are still single now. But you enjoy your life, so there is nothing to worry about it. Oh ya, in Aug 2007, your nephew Kenny was born, and he actually brought laughter and liveliness to your family. And after your keilui Swen & keizai En came into the world, you have been "upgraded" to another level now, you are their "keima" and "yiyi" (aunty). So you don't need to get married and have a child of your own to enjoy a life as a "mother".

Finally you have left your job in your 8th year in IBM and joined Shell since 2013. Your career would never be easy after that. You learned to become more resilient despite all the struggles, impact and frustrations. It's still tough to you now but from your past exprience, I believe that I can find my way to move on.

In Aug 2017, this is what happened when your world collapsed after you have lost your dad. You may not feel how heartbroken is that, but it's part of your body is empty forever and can never be cured and filled up. It impacts your whole family while everybody feel painful about it. But with your hands holding together, you managed to get over it although you will still cry when you miss him so much.

Life is tough and full of obstacles. But I believe I will keep the faith and move on.

不忘初心。

Thanks to what you have started in 2007, it makes me who I am in 2017.

Yours faithfully,

Yourself in 2017

“离家出走”

说起来这有点疯狂。一把年纪才来一个不辞而别。
不过，这“不辞而别”也只维持了三个多小时。
一直以来，我都不知道自己是一个什么样的人。
的确有很多时候都很不成熟。
但需要的时候还是可以自己一个人撑起很多事，完成很多事情。
在其他人都没有勇气的时候，是我站出来去处理。
在医院的时候是这样，面对父母的时候是这样。
只是，很多时候，我还是一个任性的小女生。
至少，在我家“大人”眼里是这样。
或许，我的确是有点任性了。

换了件衣服，提了我的包，拿了车钥匙，就这样，我没有跟任何一个人答话，开着车离开了家。
从家里开始，我就一直不断地流泪。
不是我小家子气，其实也不是什么大不了的事情。
只是当时情绪一下子涌上来我止也止不住。
可能我真的是压抑了太久。
自己一个人在车里的时候，我终于放肆大哭起来。
哭得抽搐，哭得撕心裂肺。
爸爸从出事到现在，即使是离开的那一刹那，我都没有哭成这样。
我哭得停不下来，我没有压抑自己，让自己放声哭喊。
我不管四周是不是有人看得见，我也没心思去管其他的人。
我也许只是需要一个让情绪宣泄的出口。

爸出事之后，我也有在车里哭过。但从来没有一次哭得这么凄厉，哭得这么久。
好像一个锁不上的水龙头，我就是停不出来。
差不多有半个小时，我就这样一直哭一直哭，直到没有哭出声音但眼泪还是一直掉。

我一个人边哭边开车到商场，在停车场里面把车停好之后在车里坐了很久。
坐着坐着开始刷手机然后刷到鹿晗公布恋情微博挂了。
坐了差不多15分钟，我走到商场。
一个人，漫无目的，在商场里面逛来逛去。
到一家日式餐馆，第一次进去的地方却碰上他们系统故障，不知道是我运气不好还是他们运气不好。
总之还是填饱了肚子出来继续逛。
走着走着心情开始平复了下来。

我其实也没有跟任何人过不去。
我心里感觉委屈却知道妈比谁都心疼我。
我这样“不辞而别”他们大概也知道发生了什么事。
我回家之后也没有跟任何人对话。
算了，没有任何人需要道歉。就这样吧。
反正我也只是不想让他们看到我这个样子。
有事，以后再说吧。

A new change to my blog

It's been quite long since I last updated my blog, especially after I'm more active in FB.

I think of getting back to blog again if I can.... to practice my English, record down my important moments, also to stay connected with my readers esp. friends.

hmm... so how should I start?

Change

I didn't think much after my friend told me the opportunity. I don't know if it's a good change, but after almost a decade, I think this is the time. No matter what, I just need to move forward, no turning back.

I feel a bit sorry for her, I know she's having a hard time lately. But this is what I'm waiting for so long, I can't let this chance flew away.

Everything is on track, although I'm not sure when the final decision will be made. Let's keep my finger cross and wish everything will beyond my expectations.

Updates

My friend just reminded me that, I haven't updated my Blogger for quite a while.

Since I'm too "addicted" to FB nowadays, and not really active in paid posts anymore, don't really feel like wanna update my blog.

So, it's time to come back and leave some footprints.

My team, is having resource constraints now, especially this month. My best mentor is leaving to another department, one member in maternity leave, one member has moved to another business unit, one is not really healthy these days, one is taking over my mentor's jobs, so she is VERY busy. The new guy, not coming yet.

I feel a bit lost recently. I know I should be very busy since only 2 1/2 of us are really on the field. But, just don't feel any spirit and energy to work. I know I'll be drained out again at the end of the month, but really, I don't feel any motivation and instead, it's demotivating me. I don't see my future in here, I don't know how can I overcome it, I don't even know how long can we stay.

Next month, hopefully next month we'll have a better life after the pretty mom comes back and the new guy is fully loaded and can start to fight. I have to be more independent in the future, but how much I can take, I'm still doubt of that.

Big Mangoes

These mangoes are from the mango tree behind my house, the tree is more than 20 years old now and it's still blossom and bear fruits. The branches of the tree have been cut down once, and then got worms attack until all the fruits are infected, but still, after all these years, it survives and it bears bigger fruits. Not bad huh? Those Indonesian ladies bought fruits from us, of course much much more cheaper than market, it's just we don't really put too much costs on it too, at least it's better than being stolen, right?

Some of my colleagues tried it and some said taste nice, of course we can't guarantee how it tastes, just... depends on your luck sometimes. But still, I feel grateful for the tree to survive and the fruits that it gave us.

Sick~~~~

I had tongue ulcer for 3 days already, still not recovered. And today I 'pandai2' go and eat tomyam, extra spicy (dunno what's wrong with the chef... ><) and then went to buy a cup of riched cappuccino. After a bowl of spicy tomyam soup and a glass of warm thai tea, and then I forced myself to finish the cappuccino in just not longer than one hour just tried to finish it before I went for coaching and it would get cold.............................

Then, I saw the outcome 5 minutes later, stomach too full until it 'overflowed'..... and then my stomach cramped until now. T_T

I couldn't eat mum-cooked dinner, so I just made porridge myself. This is the first time I made porridge by my own, and it ends up looked like rice still.... and I just put a bit salt, so of course it's tasteless. The cubes on top are the pickled lettuce, at least I could get some taste.

And now, I feel hungry again, and the worst, sorethroat. Everything comes together until I really don't think I can still go to class tomorrow. Hopefully I'll get better tomorrow..... what's wrong with me~~~~!

An old time gift

Just when I was doing some house-keeping, I found this. It was given by one of my friend, and I kept it until that day, I decided to throw it.

No doubt it's already expired long long time ago, even the things inside had become hard. Anyhow, it reminds me of a friend that's so caring and it was actually given when I was having a bad cough that time. I'm still grateful for the friend and I'll keep our friendship in my heart forever.

Expensive transfer

After a half-an-hour time standing and sweating in the hot burning post office in cyber, at the end my $$$ still flew away~~~~

This is the very first time I tried WU to transfer $$$ to another country. I thought it's just easy and not expensive. I was suggested to use WU. And then I visited their website and knew that actually the service is available in post office. And then when I went there, they asked me to fill up a form, with a copy of my photostated IC. And then, they said their operation hour is until 5pm during working days. And then when I used up my working time to visit the post office, they charged me almost the same amount as how much I transferred. what the.............................****! That means it's doubled up of the amount that I would transfer! What kind of service charge is that???

I called their support line, and the little poor English girl couldn't even speak English properly (wonder which country she's from?) and didn't really get my question properly at the beginning. (Really a poor active listening problem.) Until I almost lost my patience in the call, and then as I really didn't like she had a pause between "Ms" and my name (it sounds like she wrote my name somewhere and whenever she wanted to address my name she had to look at it again... =.=). When you keep calling somebody's name and then followed by your words in strong tone, it sounds like you are forcing the other party to listen to you and accept your point.... ok, I'm loosing my words, sentence articulation problem.... the conclusion is, I really don't like the experience, no matter it's from the EXTREMELY EXPENSIVE service charge, or the helpdesk. (OK, now I sounds like I'm a QA to them and doing her CQM..........)

I have no choice but to proceed as they said since all the form had been submitted, I couldn't take back my service charge (and actually I hadn't paid anything yet that moment). And then the receiver emphasized that it's very urgent...

OK, what's done is done. Let bygones be bygones. I'm not going to feel "miserable" with the $$$ that I've paid. And this should be the ONE and ONLY time for me to use this service. Or at least, I'll find another better and cheaper way to make my transfer if necessary.

I can hear my pocket is crying now............................................. T_T

Lesson learned: Do all the research and find all the information before you take action.

hiatus hernia

In 2012, I learned another term, hiatus hernia.

ok, it's another strange thing on me, which I really have no idea what is it except panicking me.

Endoscope has diagnosed what is happening to my stomach, good news is, I don't have any stomach ulcer. But then I was told of this totally unknown to me.

Anyhow, the doctor told me it's not serious at all, although I don't really trust his face............. it's still worrying me unless the pain go out of me.

No heavy lifting, no too sour or too spicy food, no coffee :'( , no cabbage, no long beans.............. OMG~~ then what can I eat? my question is, can it be cured?

Actually the most 'painful' thing came to me was when I saw the bill.............. T_T

OK, as what Chinese says, “花钱买个安心”, at least I know that I don't have any serious problem, and Thank God I'm still considered healthy.

Exploring the way to Shah Alam

Because of Groupon, I 'accidentally' bought a voucher to buy a duo-charger at cheaper price before realizing that actually I need to travel all the way to Shah Alam to redeem. When I found it, I've already paid. So? I have no choice but can only find my way to their warehouse.

Thanks to Google map, actually this is the second time I found my way to a new place. The previous time was driving to Subang Digital Mall, also new place to explore. Anyhow even though I'm using Google map, I still turned into a wrong way after the Persiaran Tujuan. I turned myself into Federal Highway and unfortunately the highway was so jammed and there's no u-turn at all until Nanyang Siang Pau. And after I turned my way back, and enter the right junction, I realized that actually the destination is just 5 minutes away.... T_T And I spent almost 15 mins to half an hour just because of turning to the wrong side.

Now I know how to go Shah Alam, but actually I was lucky that it's not inner part of the town. If that is, I'll still lose my way I believe. And in the warehouse sales, I found another thing: the external DVD-RW. Don't ask me whether it worth it or not, if I really so calculative, my pocket won't be empty right now... T_T

So where will be my next destination?

Short hair

It's definitely not a news at all. After cutting my hair short, although it's still not easy to manage, and I don't really look more beautiful, I found that I'm more free and no longer afraid of sweat.

When my hair was long, I always need to tie it up so that the wetty hair won't stick on my neck, but if I lie down or sleep, I need to untie it again because I'll feel uncomfortable. Troublesome huh?

Good thing of keeping a short hair is, I feel lighter, easier and cooler. But the bad thing is, on the first day I came home, my dad said I look like "aunty", and then my colleagues said I look like little school girl (what an extreme!). OK, at least none of them equals to "ugly" though. So... forget it!

Sleep late again~~

I always tell myself, "I have to sleep early tonight! I have to go on bed before 11pm."

And at the end, where am I now?

Recently I really found that something wrong with my body, and starting to feel scared. Maybe it's just because I always sleep late and sit on the chairs and spend too long in front of the computer. Actually I can say that I'm almost computer-addicted, or more specifically internet-addicted.

There is one saying that, if you want to kill a university student, just cut his/her internet line. I think the same can be done to me... the longest time I'm not online.... not more than a day. It's totally not healthy at all, I know. And I'm trying to find a way to fix it. Trust me. I will. :P

Some updates......

Here comes the second half of year 2011, and it's also my 7th month joining the Quality and Training team.

At the beginning, I was still thinking of my time at helpdesk. Always imagine I'm still taking calls, and sometimes I practice my call scripts too. Anyhow, after a few months here, I start getting used to working as a QA and I'm a 'part-time' trainer for Mandarin too... hehe...

If I want to differentiate the work as a QA and helpdesk, the most obvious part is, QA's work is quite routine. Every month repeat the same thing, when you finish one round for this month, the next round will be coming soon. But still it's challenging, especially now I have to deal with at least 20~30 different people every month. Not including the training and orientation some more.

Then do I like this job?
Eh... I can't say like or don't like. I think I still need more time to fit into my position.
The good thing is, I don't feel resistant to work.
I'm working in a great team, with great manager, great teammates... what else I'm expecting?
Maybe the next one I would expect is............... higher salary. hehehe

Itchy and painful arms

This is how my left arm looked like yesterday.
I don't know what actually has caused my painful and itchy arms.
I used to have skin allergy problem when I was young, and now it's still sensitive to certain things, sometimes is seafood, sometimes is pollen, but I can't really find out the specific thing that cause my allergic problem.
I ate a lot of seafood when I was in Tanjung Sepat last month, but nothing happened after that.
This is actually how it looked after I saw the doctor and applied the cream.
No medicine is given since doc said it's not necessary.
Luckily today, it becomes better.
But still sometimes quite itchy.
Really afraid of this kind of thing... T_T

Have you submitted your income tax?

It's another year for the income tax again, deadline is 30 Apr.
But guess what, after using e-Filing for 3 years, I still don't really know how to fill it up.
This self submission thing is really bothering me, I have to take out all my slips, statements and all the related documents, but still I'm lost.
The instructions are not really clear and furthermore the form is in Malay.
Maybe tomorrow I would need to visit the manpower again... at least ask them to guide me through...

How are you?

Something happened this morning, it seems that some problem has occurred because of me.
Finally the thing is settled. But I still feel like something is wrong.
Since I've moved here, I never have one minute of passion to work.
Last time, when I was just a normal helpdesk agent, even though I was frustrated by my TL, I was still passionate with my work, I liked dealing with my users, I liked taking calls, I would still take the emails from the inbox and used all my effort to reply.
But now, I have to pull myself together very hard, then only can finish my work, and then the other round of the work is coming, like a routine, never ends, never stops.

Whenever you see somebody you know in anywhere, the standard question you will ask is "How are you?". For most of the people, they'll just simply answer "Good", "Fine", "Great" or anything, may not be really reflecting their current feeling. But for me, I really think about it before I answer. Good? Bad? Not good? Still OK? Still surviving? I'm not sure. Sometimes I just paused and mind goes blank, after a few seconds only answered. Weird huh? It's because I really don't know how I am now...

I like to work with my current boss, I like the freedom and flexibility that I have been given on my job, as long as I can finish my tasks on time, I'm free to do it in anyway. But... I still feel blank, lost, and...... don't know what am I doing...

How this bad feeling will last? I don't know. Just hope that I could find myself very soon so that I can be moving forward.

My first birthday present in 2011.... from Boy Boy

They went to the shop, my sis asked Boy Boy, "We're going to buy something for Yi Yi's (姨, yi, mother's sister) birthday present. What do you want to choose for her?" Then he picked this and straight away went to the cashier...

Thanks Boy Boy! I really likes it very much! And I love you!

hdd crashed... T_T

It's just all of a sudden, I couldn't on my laptop, and showed the error message below:

And then, my brother came back and checked for me, a shocking result from him:

My notebook HDD has burnt~~!!!!

OMG~~ really? really? how can it be?!

Oh gosh~~ all my photos, my MVs, my SJs.......... ah~~~!!!!