The best compliment ever: you are so PASSIONATE!

This is a remark from new joiners.

After my sessions to share about Customer1st and CI, when they're asked if the session is boring, they shook their heads and said, it's not boring. I forgot how they answered exactly, but there is one thing I can't forget:

"You are so passionate."

.............

Passionate??

............

Excuse me??!!

Honestly, I was shocked at the moment when I heard that.

It's the FIRST TIME I heard people saying that I'm passionate.

Even my boss said I'm losing my passion in work.

Now I was told that I'm passionate??

........... Wow...............

And not only one, but both of them, who joined the company on the second day, department on-boarding for the first day, saying that I'm so passionate. It is really a great surprise to me and to me it's just the greatest compliment from the heaven!

Yes, they are new, they are fresh. For them, everything is excited and interesting. But not all of the freshies will feel the "passion" from us and say it out. No matter how it became, I still feel that, it's the BEST compliment I have ever received.

Thanks to Sue-en & Joel See. You have made my day.

Stay Strong and Move Forward

It's quite some time since my last update.
It was really a tough conversation. "Tough" as in what we were talking about seems really upsetting. We feel each other, we feel the same.
When someone trying so hard to proof that you are useless, sometimes I even agreed with them. Ya... maybe I didn't work hard enough.
But it's just wasn't me. I used to be so strong to get through all the storms and hard times.
For those who know what I've been through, it wasn't easy for me throughout the decade.
I used to believe that I'm kinda strong person, until 2 years ago someone commented me that I'm not resilience and adaptable.
It was the darkest time for me, after that, it seems that I can walk into any storm. Even though the person still keep on trying to pull me down.
I think I'm not so assertive sometimes to stand on my own feet and keep it strong enough to fight against negative things.
I believe I can find my way out.

Some thoughts

It's sad that when you have added too many friends in your Facebook, you need to be very careful when you are posting your words, because all of your friends, colleagues, family members, relatives, etc. will all see what you have posted. It happened that, I posted a picture where my car got hit and bent, not long later, my aunt called my mom and asked what happened. Actually I wouldn't have posted if I didn't want my family to know, but I just thought of telling them after I settled everything. I didn't expect the words were spread so fast.

Now even if I'm really emotional and wanted to put something on to vent out my stress, I have to think twice, triple, or forever. Either I limit the view to closed friends only, or I exclude somebody or some group of people from the viewing it, or I don't post at all.

I know it's immature to vent out my own feeling online, especially negative ones. But sometimes when the emotion comes you really can't help it. I used to be someone with resilience and endurance, but now things change, somewhere went wrong that those things I used to be proud of doesn't exist anymore and it's getting lesser and lesser at times.

But I'm still consider myself as resilient. As, you know, I need to survive. I've been through so much of hardship, working in a difficult environment for more than a decade, what else I can't tolerate? Emotion comes, but it could be absorbed and vanished. Life goes on, don't let emotion controls you, you have to deal with it.

Nobody can challenge me except myself. I have to find my way out or get stuck inside.

2017 Resolution

I just realized I didn't manage to write my 2016 Resolution here. I only found one in my Chinese blog: 展望2016

So from here, just see what I have achieved and where I am at the end of the year. Some of them I believe I should continue until next year. 😝

1. Weight Control: Not much achieved, I lost a bit in the second half but I think after stopping exercise for a month I gained it back. So it'll still be my next year resolution. My goal is to go down below 60 by Q1 at least, it'll be good if I can go below 55 at the end of the year.

2. Sleep and Diet: Unfortunately, no progress for this and instead it's actually getting worse. I have very very little sleep everyday especially weekdays. I didn't really control my diet but a few years back I used to reduce heavy food like oily, salty, spicy, high calories, but last year, I actually took a lot of heavy food, junk food, fast food.... I think I've even lost control on my food. I think I should take a control on it for my health.

3. Daily Routine: I'm basically late for everything: late to sleep, late to get up in the morning, late for dinner, late to work............. how I should go back to my normal routine? I think it takes a lot of discipline and I will work on it.

4. Travel Overseas: I met my target in 2016, not once, but twice. Although both were so "budget" but at least I went, and I've been to many signature points of the country. I feel fine with it, there are some memories money can't buy. I'll continue my fly in 2017, no plan yet but I believe I will do it.

5. Exercise: 2016 I have joined many sports and work out. Besides the weekly Zumba and Aerobic classes, I also played badminton on many Wednesdays. And I completed 8km run in SBO Superhero Run. I walked >10k steps per day when I was in Taipei. I didn't lose much weight though, but at least I start working out. I'm not somebody who never exercise, but in 2017 I need to work more.

6. Health: I had one blood test this year and the result is quite satisfactory. I'm blessed for my health condition now, but I know to keep myself healthy, I need to do more like sleep on time every night, have a more healthy diet, etc.

7. Work: 2017 will begin with a very busy and tight schedule, I can see it's tiring but at least I believe it's a good start. Last year it didn't go well at the beginning so I do want to see some hope this year. Anyway I have to do my best to achieve what I want to achieve. If I have tried all my effort then no matter what's the result I have no regrets.

2017, stay healthy, stay wealthy, stay happy!!

Happy New Year ~~!!!

My Throwback of 2016

My journey in 2016 didn't start good at the beginning. But after I finally got myself back on, I managed to do things better. It ended quite... well... actually not bad, I won't say it's perfectly fine, at least it has improved from what I expected.

I had 2 overseas trip this year, HK & TW. Both are not budget trip, considering the spending I had for the trip or in the country. However it was fun and I would think it worth the money I spent. There are some moments money can't buy. Next year I hope that I can travel more and hopefully it'll more more budget.

For games, I'm still playing my Candy Crush Soda and Farmville 2. I realized that I played Criminal Mind a lot last year but stopped since Sep. After that I'm getting into Pokemon Go. Anyhow I'm not a hardcore player, not a good player also.

I'm a fan for Super Junior, and like some of the Korean groups and songs. This year I started to like EXO. Not a diehard fan, but started to follow their news, watch their shows, listen to their songs and buy their albums. Nothing special, just because I like the songs.

Here are some of the important things happened last year. I will have a review of my last year resolution after this and see how far I went.

Psycho neighbour

My family seriously disturbed by the psycho neighbor in the beginning of the year. He just moved in a few months but kept on making loud and disturbing noise like dragging the table and chair, bouncing balls (sounds like iron ball) on the floor, banging the wall...... it was so disturbing until we almost went mad. We tried so many ways to stop him, including banging back from our end (ya it's a stupid way) but it didn't work. Actually we should have talked to them but based on our past experience dealing with him, we decided not to confront him. Luckily they finally moved out and we got back our peace.

2016-01 Doomed News

After the result, it was almost my doom day because it's really out of my expectation. But I managed to pull myself together and keep moving on. It wasn't easy. But you may also say it's because I didn't have other choice. Anyhow I can take it as my resilience achievement. I don't expect the same thing happen again next year, if it does, I'll consider to make a move this time.

2016-01-19 Pre-CNY Dinner （收工酒）

这是一个没有“酒”的收工“酒”

I used to have dinner with my buddies every year before CNY (Chinese New Year). But there are less people joined year by year, and this year, another 2 are leaving. So next year I'm not sure we will still have the dinner or not. Anyhow it's a good memory to me.

2016-02-13 Gathering of friends from Primary School

These are my primary schoolmates, last time we met was around 10 years ago I believe. It's not easy to get everybody together. And.... all of them are married... 😅

2016-02-25 Gathering of S3Science Girls

Another gathering, where 4 of us are being together. We were from 高三理 (Senior 3 Science) when we were in school. That time only 6 girls in a class. Very precious. But it's very difficult to get everybody together nowadays. And, again, they're all married. 😢

2016-04-13 Shell Safety Day

Shell Safety Day 2016, PDRM K9 unit brought police dogs along. First time taking photo so close with fierce animal. He's actually very cute~~~ ♥️

2016-04-21 Car Breakdown at Dpulze

Link to the story: A story about car breakdown

I would say it is another bad day for me of the year where my car suddenly couldn't start up at night inside a carpark of a shopping mall (Dpulze), and it's almost 10pm when the mall was going to close. Luckily I managed to call my colleague for help. After that I've learned that you always need to get your car serviced or checked on time. Or... don't go out at night alone.

2016-05-21 Photo with 林德荣

First of all I'm not his fan. But I quite like this DJ when I used to listen to MYFM. I met him in the airport playground when he's with his family. He was so friendly, when I greeted him and asked if I can take photo with him, he actually took my phone and took a selfie.

2016-05-26 New Phone

I bought a new phone before my existing phone broke down. And this time I purposely go for a quite high-end one: Mi Note. A 64GB phone and costs me > RM1500. Anyway I never regret, I love the huge capacity and HD camera, I brought it to my HK & TW trip and it so far didn't let me down. I still got half of the storage inside.

2016-05-28 SBO Superhero Run & Family Carnival

This year the Shell run and the family day (family carnival) are on the same day. And what happened was, after a 8km run (walk), I cramped my ankle and I could hardly walk. Because of that, my parents and nephew have to hold on with me, they didn't walk much or play much this time. Next year if we have family day again I won't join the run together.

2016-06-10 to 12 Trip to Hong Kong

Album: 2016-06 My Footsteps in Hong Kong

My first time going HK with my friend, a very short trip because my friend just go there for Beyond's concert. Many says it doesn't worth it but at least I stepped in to the country. I have no regrets and I met my HK friends. Actually I've been to many landmarks in HK already so what else do I expect?

Pokemon Go

The fever of Pokemon Go started this year. At the beginning I thought of not playing it but later on I couldn't stand the "itchy hand" to start on the game. What happen next.... is that I'm still playing now even if others have stopped 😂. Anyway I'm not a hardcore player, I just play as and when I feel like want to catch anything or I'm bored. I'm still in very low level but I'm fine with it. The fever of Pokemon Go doesn't last long, now many people are feeling bored and the players are getting lesser and lesser now.

2016-08 Rio Olympics

Rio Olympics 2016 happened in August. Where our Datuk Lee still couldn't get his first gold medal in Olympics game, but he won the support from the nation and fans from other countries. He is doing very well, just it's not his time. But his game with Lin Dan is the best.

2016-08-08 MYSG Commercial Fleet Away Day

Coaches were invited to MYSGCF Away Day and facilitate for the Treasure Hunt game. It was fun although it's quite tiring. And still... I hate doing make-ups..... 

2016-09-04 Gala Dinner

Annual CSC dinner, CSE team has played a sketch. Quite short but funny. Not used to perform on stage but it was a good experience.

2016-08-18 CSE Away Day

Last year, our team had our 2D1N Away Day at Port Dickson Grand Lexis hotel, this year, pathetically... we only had a half day event in Putrajaya Pullman Hotel. Not so special actually but at least.... it's an Away Day. 😜

2016-09-15 Hair Cut

I cut my hair short (not so short, just shoulder length...) after... don't know how long.

2016-10-22 Zumba Party

First time ever, I went for a Zumba party with my office friends. I joined Zumba dance for 1 or 2 years already 

2016-10-30 One Day Trip

I went to a 1D trip with my parents, but I also don't know where I went... the most I remembered was I had a quite good but long-waited Ulu Yam Loh Mee.

2016-11-19 Alex Retirement Dinner

My boss/manager Alex retired this year, and we had a dinner in a restaurant at Cyberjaya Resort. After 30+ years of service he could end his journey completely in Shell. It's one of my goal too. But, how much longer I can stay in here?

2016-12-14 to 19 Trip to Taiwan (Taipei)

FB Album: Journey in Taipei @ 2016Dec 2016年末之旅 - 臺北

Before end of the year, I had my final trip overseas with my best buddy and her family. It is definitely not a "budget" trip, but at least I enjoyed the moment with them and I had been most of the must-go places in Taipei. This year all my overseas trip are not budget at all, but still, no regrets. Sometimes things cannot be perfect, you just need to enjoy the moment whenever you have the chance.

Always in Our Heart

It's heartbroken to hear a sobbing voice from the phone and you can't help to soothe the pain.

The lost of the loved one in all a sudden is very shocking and unexpected. Even I can't really believe how things could happen in just a few weeks, a person who was still smiling and talking to you a few months ago has disappeared from your life just like that.

I didn't see him much actually. I just met him a few times and we talked for not longer than 1 hour in total. Usually it was during weddings, his daughter's and son's. Nothing much. I still remember he was such a humble and gentle person. He always speak softly, slow pace, low tone. I never heard he raised up his voice, I never saw him getting irritated with somebody or something. He was such a nice man that I thought he could at least be with them for at least 20 years.

My friend was really shocked when the first message that she got was he was diagnosed with a possibly fatal illness. She was ready to come back, but just before she could get everything planned and ready, he collapsed. The situation didn't give her any chance to have longer preparation, without any delay, she came back with 2 young ones. Everything just went too fast, until she lost him forever.

She could hardly accept the fact, it was so fast, his heartbeat just stopped like that. I felt bad when I was still on my way to her house.

I don't know what could I do to help her. All I can do is just to be by her side, talk to her. I know she has her belief to support herself, but still it's not easy to get through all the pain, and it takes a very long time.

There are many things they have missed when he was here, but nothing can bring him back again. I believe that time can heal the pain, and I hope their memories together can keep her strong.

Stay strong, my friend. And we will all be with you.

Spoke Out

First, it started with a statement from my organization:

Feel free to speak your mind without negative consequences.

Somehow it doesn't really exist in real situation. People are afraid in their mind, no matter how much you encourage them to speak out. Things are always personal. It takes a very high EQ and wisdom to be a neutral person.

After a thousand thoughts in my mind, finally, since he brought up the SPS, I made up my mind and took my 120% courage to stop him and speak my mind.

It was not an easy conversation definitely, especially when you know that who are you dealing with. For someone who poor in words like me, it really takes up a lot of guts to open up my heart to others who has the decisive role to you.

It took less than an hour to complete the conversation, although when I thought about it afterwards I found that I have missed out some important points, I still feel relieved at least I've spoken out what I have been thinking of doing it for so long.

Will it bring any negative consequences after this conversation? I hope not. But if it does, it's out of my control. I've done my part. Our leaders encouraged us to "feel free to speak our mind", so moving forward, it's depends on how I'm going to do to gain their trust.

Actually before this, I really had so many things in my mind what I would like to share:

• I had trust at the beginning until I found that my words had been shared with others which I thought it should be between both of us.
• It's definitely not wise to tell people, "I studied psychology before, I know what are you thinking", you don't need to say it if you do.
• Trust is earned, not given, and
  Trust is like a paper, once it's crumpled, it won't be perfect again.

But anyhow, it's over. I should pull myself together again and leave the past behind and continue my journey. Hopefully I can find my way out now.