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Monday, September 5, 2016

Always in Our Heart


It's heartbroken to hear a sobbing voice from the phone and you can't help to soothe the pain.

The lost of the loved one in all a sudden is very shocking and unexpected. Even I can't really believe how things could happen in just a few weeks, a person who was still smiling and talking to you a few months ago has disappeared from your life just like that.

I didn't see him much actually. I just met him a few times and we talked for not longer than 1 hour in total. Usually it was during weddings, his daughter's and son's. Nothing much. I still remember he was such a humble and gentle person. He always speak softly, slow pace, low tone. I never heard he raised up his voice, I never saw him getting irritated with somebody or something. He was such a nice man that I thought he could at least be with them for at least 20 years.

My friend was really shocked when the first message that she got was he was diagnosed with a possibly fatal illness. She was ready to come back, but just before she could get everything planned and ready, he collapsed. The situation didn't give her any chance to have longer preparation, without any delay, she came back with 2 young ones. Everything just went too fast, until she lost him forever.

She could hardly accept the fact, it was so fast, his heartbeat just stopped like that. I felt bad when I was still on my way to her house.

I don't know what could I do to help her. All I can do is just to be by her side, talk to her. I know she has her belief to support herself, but still it's not easy to get through all the pain, and it takes a very long time.

There are many things they have missed when he was here, but nothing can bring him back again. I believe that time can heal the pain, and I hope their memories together can keep her strong.

Stay strong, my friend. And we will all be with you.

Thursday, May 5, 2016

Spoke Out

First, it started with a statement from my organization:
Feel free to speak your mind without negative consequences.

Somehow it doesn't really exist in real situation. People are afraid in their mind, no matter how much you encourage them to speak out. Things are always personal. It takes a very high EQ and wisdom to be a neutral person.

After a thousand thoughts in my mind, finally, since he brought up the SPS, I made up my mind and took my 120% courage to stop him and speak my mind.

It was not an easy conversation definitely, especially when you know that who are you dealing with. For someone who poor in words like me, it really takes up a lot of guts to open up my heart to others who has the decisive role to you.

It took less than an hour to complete the conversation, although when I thought about it afterwards I found that I have missed out some important points, I still feel relieved at least I've spoken out what I have been thinking of doing it for so long.

Will it bring any negative consequences after this conversation? I hope not. But if it does, it's out of my control. I've done my part. Our leaders encouraged us to "feel free to speak our mind", so moving forward, it's depends on how I'm going to do to gain their trust.

Actually before this, I really had so many things in my mind what I would like to share:
  • I had trust at the beginning until I found that my words had been shared with others which I thought it should be between both of us.
  • It's definitely not wise to tell people, "I studied psychology before, I know what are you thinking", you don't need to say it if you do.
  • Trust is earned, not given, and
    Trust is like a paper, once it's crumpled, it won't be perfect again.




But anyhow, it's over. I should pull myself together again and leave the past behind and continue my journey. Hopefully I can find my way out now.

Saturday, February 20, 2016

Bad Mood


The bad feeling and emotion have been bothering me since the day I got the result and it has never really recovered.

I keep on thinking what have I done wrong or didn't do that make me the worst of all. And why the gap is so big until I found myself in a valley while others are on the mountain top. Am I really that bad? If not, why I was being treated in that way? Is there something I could have done differently to at least not being mistreated?

People keeps on telling me to be "Resilience", But what does it mean by that? If the outcome is due to an unexpected crisis happened which is out of control like economic downturn, policy change, etc. at least it's not because of performance issue, I feel down, upset but still no doubt on myself. But this time, it seems what I've got is just because of my performance issue, and in fact what I've done was not much less or worse than those highflyers, then why it's happening to me? How do I be resilience if things are being unfair to me? How do I change the mind of somebody who can decide my fate and manipulate my result? Honestly I have no answer about it.

I used to thought that I've been through so many challenges and down times, I could handle everything and face any challenge, but still, like what Chinese saying: there's no worst, but worse (something like that, 没有最糟,只有更糟). When you thought you've come across the worst, there are always worse thing or people ahead of you. I'm not sure I've got into the worst, what I know is that it's really really hard for me to pull me up again.

I always tell myself I'm not bad, I can perform, I've proved myself before. But still, there are more and more impacts to me that brought me down. It's like when you are walking forward, there are always got hard things hitting you, sometimes are rocks, sometimes strong wind, sometimes is the sand storms.... I don't know if I've made my words rational or clear enough to describe my feeling now. If I would to choose a word to describe what I feel at the moment, it will be "sucks".

If you asked me whether I'll still move on. Of course I have to. I have no choice. But how to get myself up and fight again, I really don't know. I always believe in "law of attraction", if I keep on thinking to get those silly things and people out of my life, will it comes true one day?

Thursday, December 31, 2015

My Throwback of 2015


I've actually wrote a review in my Chinese blog. So I don't really know what to write in here. And I found that I didn't post my review of 2014. I'm still thinking if I want to publish it. :P

The biggest changes of 2015 will definitely be the Kinga. What is Kinga? Actually it's just a name for our team's reorganization. After the Kinga, the team has been shuffled, some of us stay, some of us left, and new people joined. Honestly speaking, I'm still not really getting used to the new ways of working. It seems that I still got a lot to catch up. 

I didn't really travel anywhere this year, just the nearest Sekinchan, Setiawan, Pulau Kukup. Most of them are local trips. The only trip I had to Singapore is because my aunt's funeral.

It's difficult to describe everything, just use the photos to list down what I've done for the year 2015:


2015-04-18 Michael Wong Concert

2015-05-02 Qin Xin Lin 清心岭

2015-05-02 Setiawan

2015-05-24 Sg. Chilling Waterfall

2015-07-11 & 12 Pulau Kukup 
2015-08-22 CSE Away Day - Grand Lexis Port Dickson

2015-11-10 Sekinchan

Monday, August 31, 2015

Clean

Photo from Facebook
It's a fascinating day and night with all the yellows in town. I expected many to attend but still this scene has shocked me when I really see it in my eyes.

We have been jokes to the world. By not making further jokes of ourselves, it's time for us to stand out and voice for our future.

Bravo all the yellow people out there. May the force be with you!

Sunday, July 26, 2015

After Years.....

Photo is edited as per request for privacy purpose :P

It is almost 20 years since we graduated. The good part is, we all seems still look the same as before. I think I changed the most, especially the "shape". I really need to work out to keep myself back on shape again.

There are 2 mommies in here, with > 2 kids each. And the other 2 are aunties for our nephew & niece. So one of the topics on table is "parenting" experience. It's not surprised that we actually do share a lot of happy moments of kiddies.

Actually it was 6 of us from the same class of 高三理 (S3Science). 2 of them are living in our neighbour country now. I wish some day, all 6 of us can be together again. How long will it be?

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

A new change to my blog



It's been quite long since I last updated my blog, especially after I'm more active in FB.

I think of getting back to blog again if I can.... to practice my English, record down my important moments, also to stay connected with my readers esp. friends.

hmm... so how should I start?

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