致母亲【一】：生日

妈，

忘了从哪一年开始，我每一年的生日都会请假在家，陪着您还有爸爸还有BoyBoy一起去逛街吃饭。我们的庆祝方式永远都不豪华，也不热闹。只是一家人吃个饭逛个街我也觉得很幸福。

今年，是我第42年庆祝生日，却也是第一次你们都没有在的一年。去年我们曾经说过，今年我的生日刚好落在年初一，是普天同庆的日子。结果，这一天，你们却都缺席了。

BoyBoy从您入院那天开始就已经没有再回来睡过。我感觉跟他的距离也已经越来越远。无论他来我家，还是我去他家，他都在玩手机。现在的他更变本加厉，一天只要没有上课就机不离手，完全不跟人讲话。我们以前担心的事情，现在还是出现了。他一直是你们捧上手心上呵护着的，现在只能看他的造化了。而我，一开始也觉得很失落，觉得他好像没有了谁都可以，好像对什么事情都不在乎。但反过来想一想，其实最应该在乎的是他的父母，不是吗？我可能更应该去寻找属于我自己的生活。

一个月了。我还是没有习惯。我日夜颠倒的生活方式，我对网络的沉迷，对生活的白痴……我已经开始自己动手做很多事情，但很多时候还是感觉自己力不从心。40多年来都是您在照顾着我，现在您不在了，一切都变得不知所措。

这一个月来，我还是会一直想起您。一切发生得太快我甚至还有一种幻觉您好像还在我身边。一直以来人们都相信人离世之后会到天堂，然后“在天之灵”会一直看顾着、保护着他们所爱的人。可是，我却很不希望您有“在天之灵”，因为无论您在哪里，如果您还有意识，还在另一个世界看着我，那您应该还会记得在医院里那段惨痛的日子。短短四天，撕裂了您的身心，也在我心里脑海里潜意识里留下了很深刻的阴影。我当然清楚知道我要放下，我要忘记，但那些刻入脑海的画面，我要怎么抹去？

还记得我在医院时跟您说，如果您不在了我才不要跟哥哥这种怪痂住。我跟他合不来。但现在，我们必须“相依为命”。那天，我情绪突然爆发，狠狠地哭了很久，我故意不控制自己，让自己的情绪宣泄出来。在哥哥面前，把我所有的委屈、难过、痛苦都一并讲了出来。自从爸爸出事到现在，那一次是我哭着最狠的一次。狠到我抽泣不止。即使已经停止了哭泣，我还是在抽搐的。这几年给我的打击太大，我从一个被护着的女生，到最后必须扛起女儿的责任，去承受很多原本可能不需要我这个小女儿去承受的事情。事情来得太快、太多，已经到了我负荷不了的极限。“一夜长大”不是这么容易的事情。有时候，打击所带来的未必一定成长，有可能是崩溃。

不过，无论您“看”不“看”得到，我答应过您，我一定会好好地活着。

让自己好好地活着。

Another Year of Blessing

今天的行程：

• 载妈妈去染发顺便给自己修个眉
• 去银行办事
• 回公司拿包裹
• 去邮政局更新驾照
• 晚上去吃火锅

就这样，我过完了40岁之后的第一个生日。

已经快步入中年了啊……

感觉好像有点可怕……

那天哥哥说我的生活习惯里面没有一样是正常的。

我想反驳，但想了好久，却还真的想不到有什么可以反驳的地方。

我饮食时间不正常。

我睡觉时间不正常。

我几乎不怎么运动。

我喜欢吃高热量、高胆固醇、高糖高盐重品味的食物。

我喜欢喝冷饮。

人家很多2、30岁就已经过着老年人的佛系生活。

我这人“一把年纪”却还以为自己还年轻还有很多青春可以挥霍。

我知道我在消耗着自己。

我不知道哪一天我必须为我今天所浪费的一切买单。

希望上天怜悯，看在我这一辈子没做过什么伤天害理的事情下给我过好一点吧。

愿望，还是希望身边的人都开开心心。

最重要的是健健康康，平平安安。

平安健康，比什么都来得重要。

今年的生日，没有吹蜡烛环节。

明天姐说要买，不过已经过了我的生日。

不过，蛋糕我其实已经吃过，也不是说非要吹蜡烛不可。

只希望，即使在没有在蜡烛前面许的愿望，也一样可以实现。

祝福我们。祝福大家。

A Breakthrough of a Check Point in Life

Today is a memorable day to me, as I have started my journey as a quadragenarian from now onwards.

At first I thought I would be anxious about it because from all the things I heard and read from everywhere told me that my life will come across a big change both mentally and physically. However, I'm calm with it.

Probably because I haven't really experience the "change" or maybe I don't really see it as a big challenge to me.

Though it's memorable, I didn't do anything special besides having a day with my mom and nephew. A normal hotpot & grill dinner.

My only wish for today, is the health and happiness of my loved ones.

Tomorrow will be another day, and it'll always be a better day.

今天，我正式跨越了四个十年的人生。
踏入另一个里程碑的我，没有焦虑，更多的，是平静和淡然。
当然，我心里还是会叨念着：是不是有些事情我应该今天完成的？
事实上，只要我还健康快乐的生活着，那就是一种幸福。
因为还在带孝期，今天的我，没有派对（一向来也都没有），没有生日蛋糕，没有生日歌，倒是收到了一堆的祝福。
能够跟妈妈好好地逛个街、吃个饭，对我来说，已经是很幸福的事。
祝愿我们永远都能如此健康快乐地幸福下去。
这就是我今年生日唯一的愿望。
加油吧！

Happy Dragon Year 2012 and Birthday To me~~

Thank you very much for your greetings and wishing on my special day in 2012.

This year my birthday falls on the third day of Chinese New Year (年初三) so actually either my friends were still on holiday or started work already. Anyhow, I think thanks to FB, I still received a lot of wishes. Although it might be just a click without any further effort needed, but I would like to thank all my friends who were willing to click on my wall and left me a message, I really appreciated that.

OK, this cake is a gift from my brother, the smiley face has covered a flaw... but it doesn't matter, I still love it. I was kinda emotional during the day by just having a lunch at food court. But then I feel grateful since I'm still with my family, hanging around with them, watching movie with them (MI4~~!), it's the most precious moment that not everyone could have.

And the one happier than me, of course is my little boy boy (nephew). He was over excited since he knew that we had a cake at home, his favourite. And he couldn't wait for us to finish our dinner before the cake-cutting session, kept shouting around, chasing everyone to finish the food. And then, as his wish, we sang birthday song and I blew off the candles with him, together. It's the warmest moment to see his happy and cheerful face, it's the best birthday present to me.

My wish for the year: Everyone I know is healthy, happy and wealthy in their life and forever! (Actually I forgot to make my wish before blowing the candles, but I think God would know my wish with the moment I treasure when I saw all the happy faces around me. Thank God they're here with me.)

Happy Birthday, Mommy!

This is what the little boy-boy is crazy about -- the "bei dou you".

Don't get confused what is that. It's just simple, the full sentence is "Happy Birthday to you", but he can only pronounce the last 3 sounds, inaccurately.

After his 4th birthday last August, he has noticed about we sing birthday song while eating cake. But he has no idea what birthday is, and we usually only have a whole cake on birthday. So after that, he always asked anyone of us to buy him a "bei dou you" even though it's nobody's birthday.

My mum is not really fancy about birthday cake on her big day, but just because of getting everybody (esp. the little one) happy, I still bought a cake for her, and in fact we never missed any in the past.

OK, the candle wasn't blown by mum.... :P it's the little excited one who did it. Many people said, birthday is for you to celebrate with the one who brought you to this world, i.e. your mum. But for my mum, it's for me to show my gratitude to her, for taking care of the family, for dedicating her life and everything to us.

Happy Birthday, MOMMY!
Thanks for your love, your care and everything.
I LOVE YOU!

Happy Birthday, Boy Boy~~!!

It's his 4th years old today.
Just wanna leave my greeting here before the end of the 1st of August.

Happy Birthday, Boy Boy~~!

Wishing you the BEST of HEALTH, HAPPINESS and SUCCESS in your life~~!

My Birthday Wish

I received a lot of wishes from FB today. I'm grateful about that, really thanks for their greeting and wishes.

One friend of mine told me, he doesn't put his birthday on FB on purpose, and he'll know who are his true friend that will remember his birthday because he will receive SMS from them. Actually I don't think it's a good way to 'test' your friend. And... I don't actually receive wishes from him today... hehe... but still I believe that he's my good friend. (I got his SMS after 12am today, so he has passed the 'test'... anyway no matter how I'm still appreciative for having this friend.)

I really had a 'peaceful' day today, all my teammates don't know that today is my big day. Even for those who met me in person. Anyhow I'm glad to keep myself in low profile. Birthday is only celebrated within you and your family after all. And I'm not alone on lunch too. I became a 'spotlight' actually... haha! Thanks Leau and his gf to have lunch with me together, and also joining 2 of his housemates in the same restaurant.

In my family, we never really make it a big party on our birthdays, the only 'celebration' that we'll have is just having dinner outside and buying a birthday cake. I insist on a cake today so that I can make a wish... :P

I don't wish for prosperity, wealth or beauty (although I really need them... haha), all I wish is the peace and health of myself, my family and all the people I care.

Thank you for all those who had given me your birthday wishes, and I wish you ALL THE BEST too!

My first birthday present in 2011.... from Boy Boy

They went to the shop, my sis asked Boy Boy, "We're going to buy something for Yi Yi's (姨, yi, mother's sister) birthday present. What do you want to choose for her?" Then he picked this and straight away went to the cashier...

Thanks Boy Boy! I really likes it very much! And I love you!

Thank you for your greetings and wishes!!

I wanted to take an AL today actually, as what I did last year. That time while FB was still not that popular... I wanted to give myself a break. This year, however, is not easy for me to do so as we are lack of people, and I could expect that the PM sure will ask me to monitor the newbies, today they'll start on board.

Anyhow, I'm glad that even though I have to work on my 'big day', I still receive a lot of greetings and wishes from my co-workers and friends. I had a great lunch from my lunch buddies, wonderful dinner from my mum... nice video-chatting with my best friend... this had brightened my day!

I would like to thank you all those who had sent me your wishes, greetings and lunch, I feel warm and grateful. I'm glad to have all of you as my friends!

My lunch at Sri Penang, treated by my lunch buddies... ^^

My bday 'presents' from my teammates... nice leh!

 

My bday cake, bought by mum...

 The food today, including my dinner, home cooked by mum.

p/s: If I have to mention something that ruined my good feeling, then it has to be my PM. He didn't give me any greeting nor wish, it's fine for me, but he even said something that upset me in some aspects... I've told him to be more humanize to his subordinates, but it seems that we are still having communication barriers. But I don't care what he thinks and says about me, I have received 20~30 greetings and wishes from my friends today, this is enough to kick away all the bad feelings.

My & My sis's cake

My sis's and my birthday are just 4 days different, so before she's married we always have our birthday celebration together on the same day. The 'celebration' I mention here is just as simple as a family dinner outside, and birthday cake every year which never missed out.

After she's married, we never had bday cake together. So this year, as she has to go back to Melaka during CNY, she suggested that we could have our cake a week earlier. And this is the one we had.

The meaning of the birthday in our family, doesn't need to have a big party with lots of people attending. It's just very simple -- family dinner and birthday cake. And for us, it's more than enough and we are happy with it.

Happy Early Birthday, Sis! And happy early birthday to me too!