A Breakthrough of a Check Point in Life

Today is a memorable day to me, as I have started my journey as a quadragenarian from now onwards.

At first I thought I would be anxious about it because from all the things I heard and read from everywhere told me that my life will come across a big change both mentally and physically. However, I'm calm with it.

Probably because I haven't really experience the "change" or maybe I don't really see it as a big challenge to me.

Though it's memorable, I didn't do anything special besides having a day with my mom and nephew. A normal hotpot & grill dinner.

My only wish for today, is the health and happiness of my loved ones.

Tomorrow will be another day, and it'll always be a better day.

今天，我正式跨越了四个十年的人生。
踏入另一个里程碑的我，没有焦虑，更多的，是平静和淡然。
当然，我心里还是会叨念着：是不是有些事情我应该今天完成的？
事实上，只要我还健康快乐的生活着，那就是一种幸福。
因为还在带孝期，今天的我，没有派对（一向来也都没有），没有生日蛋糕，没有生日歌，倒是收到了一堆的祝福。
能够跟妈妈好好地逛个街、吃个饭，对我来说，已经是很幸福的事。
祝愿我们永远都能如此健康快乐地幸福下去。
这就是我今年生日唯一的愿望。
加油吧！

A message from myself a decade ago #futureme

It was a surprise to me when I saw this email came into my inbox today. I didn't realize that 10 years ago I had sent an email to myself. And actually at that moment I doubted the website will still be functioning a decade later. :P

Yes, I'm totally amazed, surprised and when I read through the message, it actually brought me in tears. I saw how much life has changed tremendously and if I had a chance to go back in time, the most I feel heartbroken is losing my dad.

If I would to reply to myself in this email....

Hi You in 2007,

Thank you for writing to me.

You have no major achievement now, just that at the same time, there is not much regrets I have except one big incident.

Yes, you had your first travel in flight in Sep 2, 2012, when you flew to Bangkok with your colleague from QA team. It was an amazing trip, you had your first authentic Thai food, to a historical city Ayutthaya, and explored to a lot of new things.

It's when your dream of "travel around the world" starts as the next years later you had your second trip to Alor Setar & Langkawi also by flight, and another year you had your first footstep to Taiwan. In the year 2016 itself, you visited 2 countries: Hong Kong and Taiwan (again!). These 2 were totally unplanned holiday so it went a bit expensive yet enjoyable and worth the price.

Unfortunately, none of your family were with you in any of these trip. And regrettably, your dad will never have a chance to travel with you again.

After a decade, you are still single now. But you enjoy your life, so there is nothing to worry about it. Oh ya, in Aug 2007, your nephew Kenny was born, and he actually brought laughter and liveliness to your family. And after your keilui Swen & keizai En came into the world, you have been "upgraded" to another level now, you are their "keima" and "yiyi" (aunty). So you don't need to get married and have a child of your own to enjoy a life as a "mother".

Finally you have left your job in your 8th year in IBM and joined Shell since 2013. Your career would never be easy after that. You learned to become more resilient despite all the struggles, impact and frustrations. It's still tough to you now but from your past exprience, I believe that I can find my way to move on.

In Aug 2017, this is what happened when your world collapsed after you have lost your dad. You may not feel how heartbroken is that, but it's part of your body is empty forever and can never be cured and filled up. It impacts your whole family while everybody feel painful about it. But with your hands holding together, you managed to get over it although you will still cry when you miss him so much.

Life is tough and full of obstacles. But I believe I will keep the faith and move on.

不忘初心。

Thanks to what you have started in 2007, it makes me who I am in 2017.

Yours faithfully,

Yourself in 2017

我和老爸的废话日常一

我：apa lu mau?
爸：apa pun tak mau

我：Baa Baa black sheep any any wooooo 🎵🎵🎵
爸：No sir no sir no bag full 🎵🎵🎵
（我曾经跟我爸争拗到底是 3 bags full 还是 no bag full）

现在还有谁会跟我讲这些废话？

2018 新年：回顾+展望

第一个父亲缺席的新年。
凌晨对着手机播放的YouTube直播倒数。
电视依旧播放着新闻、节目、电影……
没有电视直播，没有快乐倒数。
迎接2018年的，只有手机。

我还没写我的回顾和展望。
看来我好像还没有准备好。
或是，我根本已经变得越来越懒了。

2017年最大的变故，当然就是父亲的骤然离开。
没有心理准备，没有一点预兆。
我们还没来得及陪他制造回忆，就已经要送他离开。
就这样匆匆忙忙的，不到一个月的时间，我们就已经阴阳两隔。
再见，我们就已经隔了一层土地。
我一直在想，如果我们从什么时候开始就已经知道……
但即使知道了又怎么样？
我宁可不要太早知道，因为那会更无助，更难过。
我不知道到底是谁设定了这一切。
TA让我们瞬间失去至亲，但却同时不让我爸痛苦。
我不知道他在离开之前有没有什么痛楚，不管是身体上还是心理上。
只庆幸，他在最后的那一刻，我们都在他身边。
Daddy，我好想你。你现在好吗？

另外一个2017年我做过最疯狂的事，就是看演唱会。
3月18日的EXO 演唱会：EXO'RDIUM。
10月30日的五月天演唱会：人生无限公司。
两个的共同点：
1) 都是在 Stadium Merdeka
2) 都是最贵的票
前者自己去，后者有朋友带着进摇滚区。
感觉不一样，当然五月天的比较high。

2017年也是我赢奖的幸运之年。
几次公司的各种dinner幸运抽奖都有所斩获。
最大的奖就是11月的annual dinner，奖品是 Olympus PEN E-PL7 相机。
外面奖项的话，除了戏票，就是Nescafe奖品、Star Wars的notebook（好过没有）。
最大的奖就是AEON BIG的 RM500 gift card。虽然很快就用完了。

今天5月20日，我们家买了新Persona，卖了旧Wira。
我终于有新车开，而且是真正属于我名下的车。

今天的旅游只有12月的PD，hotel是住了几次，但都不是特别去玩的。

至于明年的展望，我不再给自己太多的 to-do list，我最大的愿望，就是我身边的人都健健康康。
所以，我的2018展望只有三个：
1) 家人朋友自己健康
2) 早睡早起
3) 持续运动