Another shocking news

Previously, she said she'll stay. Today, she changed her mind.

Whether or not the 'reason' that she provided is a reason or an excuse, it doesn't matter anymore. The fact is, she doesn't have 'heart' on here.

So now, for all the 'seniors', only 2 of us left. It's interesting. How am I gonna 'bring up' these 'young kids' until they can be independent? I myself even cannot be fully independent yet, not to mention bringing up others.

He talked to me, tried to get me to stand on his side. I'm still a bit reserved on this. Actually, it's very easy to gain my trust, just you may not know the way and skill.

I have signed my name on, there is no turning back. But anyhow, I've finally told him my suggestion. Just see how..... everyone will have their way to survive. I hope that I can find mine too.

My signature is on

Finally, with all the question marks covered my head, I still made up my mind, put my signature on that 'shits' of papers.

I'm not that kind of 'fighter', I know there is something unfair around here, but I really don't know what can I do. I don't know how to fight for my right, I'm tired of all these fights and arguments and disappointment... now what I'm focus on, is how can I get my job done and train up the newbies, until I could 'retreat'......

I was really lost before I made my decision. I need some helpful advice. Until I talked to HK. After talking to her, I think I have to give up all the useless fight. I can't really do anything after all. And now I just hope that there will not be any negative outcome happened to us, and no more shocking news to impact on me, so that I can continue working peacefully.

About the PM, nothing better can be expected from him. It'd be the best if there is nothing crazy from him...

The future? unknown. Just keep on my work and see...

On Christmas Day

Christmas deco at Leisure Mall

I met with my best friend on this holiday, I thought she would be busy as this is supposed to be their 'big day' for her religion. Good news is, she still had time to meet with me in the afternoon.

We were leisuring around in the Leisure Mall, chit-chating, visiting bookshop and video shop until the dinner time. After that, I was brought to a 'special place', in purpose by somebody, where I actually didn't really feel comfortable with it.

I don't have any prejudice against any religion, but for me, I just try not to limit my thinking into a certain region and set any boundary on it. I just believe that, any thinking that is initially good for human being should be accepted.

To be frank, I was a bit shocked and scared when I knew it was done in purpose. Of course I respect any thinking for anyone, but I just want to keep myself to be free, that's all.

Anyhow, it's still happy to be with my best friend on this holiday.

Merry Christmas, My Friends!

It's a festive season in December every year, everybody is celebrating Christmas and New Year. This December, co-incidently, out of 4 weeks, 3 of the Fridays are public holidays, which means that, except the first week, every week we could have 3 days off. Of course we are not included because we need to work every weekdays, even if it's public holiday.

This Christmas, I went to visit my best friend who just came back to Malaysia. It's great to have a friendship for more than 10 years, I precious our friendship and the time we have been together. I wish for her happiness and health forever.

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Saturday night (actually is Sunday early morning)...

My brother is attending his friend's wedding in other state, so I have the chance to use the internet today as I usually not allowed to.

I missed my last JP class in 2009 last week because of my best friend's wedding. Next class, will be next year. Which means that, I'll be 'free' for these few Saturdays.

Just had my blood test this morning, have to use the coupon before end of this year. The lady had inserted the needle into my arms twice. It's quite hurt... for me.

I'm watching the "Twightlight" over and over again. It's been a year since this movie was first on cinema. Previously, I don't understand why the second episode of this movie can be so popular, but now I know. After you have watched the first story, you can't wait to see how the story goes. I'll see it, maybe tomorrow?

The thing finally comes

Finally, what we were keep saying before, finally came to me.

Instead of pages of papers, now only 2 sheets left: my copy and their copy. It's quite sad and disappointed when I saw he passed me the 'papers'. Does it mean that I have to start finding my new way to go? Does it mean I have to be prepared to end here?

The economy isn't that bad here. At least some of them who left all got better offer, much much more better than here. Is that the reason why we don't have many applicants? People compare, everyone will sure look for better opportunity.

I told him, we are here because our 'heart' is here. But now, they are pushing us away. Our 'heart' has no value. You just keep your gdf or whatever, we just have our own way.

I don't think there is any negotiation can be done here. But since I have already promised, no matter what, I have to stay, at least for now. He said, when it's unfreezed, he'll put me as top priority. But, who cares? It's just empty promise. He doesn't have the authority to promise anything.

I like my job, I like my work, I like the people here. But, it seems that they left me no choice.

Stay

Finally, it's worth to stay in the office talking until 8.30pm. He has done something. Not much, but at least, he keeps at least one person here. It's probably too selfish to ask everybody to stay, but at this moment, and critical situation, we can't afford any more people to leave.

But, it's not the end of the story. Today, 4 of us spent another almost 2-hour time, sat down and had discussion again. As same as before, such discussion never makes me feel better. The more we talked, the more things are stacking ahead of me.

Yes, it's tough. But as what I promised, we have to get through this together. Now the battle is still going on, we still need more effort to try to build this up, at least to keep it from falling apart. Let's work it together!

Talk...

After so long, I finally had a chance to really sit down and talk with him, in depth.

I told him the truth. I told him the crisis that we are having at the moment. Many people don't want to stay because of disappointment and frustration, if he doesn't make a move, we will be leaving, I might be one of them.

He is still new. He just takes over the role, he doesn't really know what to do yet. I told him, it's not just about money, we need to be recognized, appreciated and taken care about. It doesn't need to be grand, something just a simple thing can deliver the message and show your feeling.

To be frank, I'm really scared. The future is unknown to me. I don't like this feeling. What else do we left that can keep us together? Nothing.

I'm not sure if I have said things right, or if he could get me right. I don't want to make things complicated. Even if we all have to be separated at the end, I still hope that only the good memory will be kept with us.

Hard days

It's very torturing when you know that everyone around you are going to leave but you may have to stay, and the worst of all, you still have to get shocking news everyday.

No more PPH (paid public holiday), no newcomer, no backup, not applying leave, SLA is dropping, people are leaving, your hardwork is not appreciated, you are like nobody in this organization, nobody really cares if you stay or leave......

I don't mind doing more work, it's not new to me after all. What I really feel dismotivating, is the way that we are treated. We used to be busy, we used to had conflicts among each other, but at least for some of us, we were working as a team, and further than that, we were like friends or family. By holding our hands, we could get through all the barriers. But now, thing changed.

They said they care, but they are leaving. They feel upset and angry as well when we got shocking news again. But how long they will need to get this? Just a month, after that, they will be free, will be released. And if I stay, I have to take all these by myself, alone.

Some suggested me to follow their steps, but it's not easy. At least I have to find a place where I can settle down, I don't want to make any sudden suggestion and then feel regreted. Once you decide to walk away, there is no turning back.

I still have a month time to think. Think about my career, think about my future, think about myself...... who knows. Maybe, god will lead my way.