In the middle of the night...

Just lost an oppty... after I tried to grab it, it has fully reserved by others... aiks~~~! Who will sit in front of the pc in the middle of the night like me, keep refreshing the page waiting for the oppty to release? Could it be somebody from the west? It's a worldwide oppty after all.... sigh...

Something happened in the afternoon suddenly rose in my mind. "She's just too nice!" She made her comment, to him. They looked at me in a quite... sympathizing way. I looked at the boxes in front of me, puzzled. "She is more deserved it, you know?" she said again, commented about another thing, looked like she's feeling unfair for me.

Am I really so nice? Ya, burning sun, long queue, crowded place, delivery...... everyday I look like a delivery girl, carrying a large pack of food, travelling long distance on my 2 feet only, the worst thing is, without commission, not even the 'service charge' as what they said.

I'm just do it in passing..... maybe I can say on the other hand. However, I'm just use my 2 feets to reach the place, no transport, no helpers. Am I really too nice? Maybe...... it's too hard to reject.

Looking at them, I start to think...... they are my real comrades, other people, no matter how good they are, still outsider. But no matter what I've done in here, I'm still placed in the lowest position and feel myself like an alien (martian maybe?) among them. Moreover I keep receiving a 'reminder' for the thing they thought I've owed them (hi'im lei ge meh!). Does it really worth?

I can't give up what I can get from here, no matter how inequitable I feel here, or how much I found myself as a martian here, the problem is, I still need to tolerate and keep staying here. As long as I still can bear with it, I'll do it. But maybe tomorrow, I'll see if I would 'self-disappear' during lunch time...... too tired for that already.